I am Here

This blog was made for school assigment back then, when I was in highschool. And I only post a very random topic here. I don't have any potential to write anything. All I know is I wanna share my deep thought here. I am 23 almost 24 years old. But what's inside my mind is not a young lady or young adult, it's only a kid. My brain didn't grow up I guess. because I grew up under broken family. it's kinda painful, because i keep receiving wrong judgemental. i still don't understand, is it me or the world is very mean to me. i feel empty now. i feel lonely but i'm used to it. my friends are getting married, but i still trying to find who i am. to find happiness inside me. and learning how to love myself. the thing is, it's not easy. everytime i starting to have faith in myself, people just ruined everything. am i supposed to live in pain? i feel like people like to stabbing me behind my back, by words. and i always be the one who fooled enough to always believe to their words. they said they're helping me. but why i feel like they're killing me slowly? they keep blaming me for everything.i wanna give up. i really wanna give up. i'm so tired with my life. i hate me.what am I supposed to do? i seek for help but they didn't care. at all. it's hurting me. i keep hearing whispers in my head. i'm planning to cut my hand everytime i hear their words. i will mark it on my hand. 

i don't care anymore.